Kiss Me, Stupid (1964) Dark Bizarro Comedy/Romance - Playboy Noir

"Last Night she was knocking on my door for forty-five minutes. . .

But I wouldn't let her out."(Dino)


My wife hates this film, and she is a big lover of romantic comedies.


That's a big clue right there. It's not the same ol' same ol', about boy "cute" meets girl, they clash at first or weird fates intervene, they find each other or make up at last, and live happily ever after tried and true Hollywood formula.

This is a perverse romantic comedy from the dark side. It's a crime is against status quo uptight 1950s morality. It's The Playboy philosophy. It's kind of about what used to be called "Swinging." Playboy magazine was pushing boundaries, it was a progressive cultural spearhead in the sixties and well into the seventies. The fifties square johns didn't know what hit them.

Kiss Me, Stupid deals with womanizing, prostitution, deception, lighthearted wife swapping, shows that no real harm was done, everyone was cool with it, and life continues on after all the above, as if nothing happened.

What woman in real life would react so calmly to her husband having casual sex with a hooker/waitress on their fifth anniversary. Yea it's before AIDS, but for some reason it must not have been as scary as "the powers that be" have made sexually transmitted diseases today. It's almost like a new form of morality that accomplishes the same thing less casual sex. At least they promote safe sex.

In Kiss Me, Stupid a woman with a reputation for "action" recommended by the bartender for, "putting out," known notoriously as "Polly The Pistol." Polly thinks $25 dollars is a good price for an all niter. On the other hand, to be fair, the real wife also cuckolds her husband by having sex with the man who was her idol during her teenage years to the extent of being president of his fan club. She BTW. gets paid five hundred dollars for "doing it." They all get away with it, how culturally Noir is that. It must have been scary for the bluenoses.

This bizarre black comedy with all the above baggage still manages to be hilarious, with funny one liners, insider jokes, and quite a few single and double ententes. It's so "Tail Fin," Playboy/Rat Pack sixties.

The screenplay was written by Billy Wilder and I. A. L. Diamond and it was based on the play L'ora della fantasia (The Dazzling Hour) by Anna Bonacci.

That play was manipulated into the screenplay for the Italian film, Wife For a Night (Moglie per una notte, 1952), that starred Gina Lollobrigida. In that film, a Count mistake's, by design a courtesan, for the wife of a struggling musician. The musician is related to the Mayor. The Mayor tells the courtesan to only submit to the Count after he promises to stage her fake husbands (the Mayors nephews) opera.

Kiss Me, Stupid, debuted just past the end of straight-laced Eisenhower fifties, and during the crumbling drawn out demise of the Motion Picture Production Code. Obviously Hollywood, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas were a bit ahead of the curve on where the culture was going. Kiss Me Stupid was a tad bit premature, it was right before the 60s sexual revolution hit the scene.

The film was condemned by the Catholic Legion of Decency (the second film that got that designation, the first being Baby Doll with Carroll Baker (1956)), and was banned in various bluenose cities. United Artists even decided to distribute it sotto tabella using their foreign language film subsidiary Lopert Pictures.

Looking at the film in hindsight it's quite tame and a tad silly comparatively to what was coming on the horizon. But got to wonder what was going on with the zeitgeist in the country. Think about it. Some Like It Hot, had cross dressers, Marilyn complaining about how she always gets the fuzzy end of the lollipop, and it's classic final lines...

Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! Ohh...[Jerry finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
Jerry: [normal voice] I'm a man!
Osgood: [shrugs] Well, nobody's perfect!

Out there without it being said.

The Apartment was about a boss screwing his secretary and using an employee as a de facto hot sheet motel room provider. Irma la Douce was about a Paris prostitute, and an ex-policeman who beats up her pimp thus becoming her new pimp, and then setting her up with the same client (the ex-policeman in disguise) every night. Maybe this film got a pass because the characters were all French. Was Kiss Me, Stupid too direct, too irreligious, too cynical, it crossed some line. Maybe the line was that nothing happened bad to any of the characters.

In classic crime Film Noir, crime didn't pay, the crooks always got either caught or killed. Maybe Kiss Me Stupid would have gotten the thumbs up from the Catholic Legion of Decency if Dino, Zelda, Polly, and Orville, while riding in Dino's Dual-Ghia had driven off a cliff or gotten into a fiery head on collision with a semi that sent them all burning to hell, no?

Directed by Noir master Billy Wilder who brought us Film Noir classics Double Indemnity, Sunset Boulevard, The Lost Weekend, and Ace in the Hole.

Dino (Dean Martin)

The film stars Dean Martin as "Dino" essentially debuting with some polishing, his super cool, suave playboy, who's inescapable charisma was soon to be in everybody's living room. His Dean Martin Show on NBC Thursday nights at 10:00,  began the very next year in 1965.

Polly The Pistol (Kin Novak)

Orville Spooner (Ray Walston)

Barney Millsap (Cliff Osmond)

Zelda Spooner (Felicia Farr)

Kim Novak plays Polly the Pistol in her first film in two years after a sex comedy with James Garner Boys' Night Out (1962). Novak appeared in classic Noirs Pushover, 5 Against the House, The Man with the Golden Arm, and Vertigo.  Ray Walston (popular from TV's My Favorite Martian) played song composer/piano teacher Orville Spooner. Felicia Farr (very memorable from 3:10 to Yuma ) plays his wife Zelda Spooner, Cliff Osmond as song writer/garage mechanic Barney Millsap, Barbara Pepper as dive bar owner Big Bertha, Doro Merande as Mrs. Pettibone, Howard McNear (Floyd the Barber from the Andy Griffith Show) as Mr. Pettibone, John Fiedler as Reverend Carruthers, and Mel Blanc as Dr. Sheldrake and the voice of Polly's parrot. Blanc was the voice of iconic Warner Brothers cartoon character Bugs Bunny and many others.

Joseph LaShelle, spoofing his own noir-ish cinematography from (Fallen Angel, Hangover Square, Laura, Dangerous Crossing, Storm Fear, The Apartment), filled Kiss Me Stupid with a plethora of Venetian blinds used for both shot compositions and for the shadows they throw. These, along with musical leitmotifs by André Previn, were used to emphasize Orville Spooner's building jealousy Zelda. Previn also has a sexy leitmotif for Polly. Composer Ira Gershwin wrote lyrics to a few of his brother George's unpublished pieces. The new songs were "Sophia," "I'm a Poached Egg," and "All the Livelong Day." These were used in the film as examples of Spooner and Millsap's dust-pan alley compositions.

The Story

Las Vegas. The Sands. playboy "Dino" (Dean Martin) is headlining a casino floor show. We get a nice Dino shtick. Some singing, some jokes and a chorus line of buxom beauties. Backstage, after the number Dino strategically lines up the girls for various evening rendezvous time slots. But he's not intending of keeping any of them, Dino is skipping town for The City Of Angels.

Tail Fins - 1957 Dual-Giah convertible

In the flyspeck town of Climax, Nevada, a nerdy piano teacher Orville Spooner (Ray Walston) is having a series of jealous anxiety attacks. He's married to Zelda (Felicia Farr) the most beautiful woman in town, and now after five years feels unsuccessful, inadequate, and threatened by anyone wearing pants. While giving a piano lesson Orville can't help but spy on his wife in the kitchen. He watches her write a note to the hunky blonde milkman. Suspicious, Orville flies out of the door when the milkman arrives to intercept the note, which is just an order for more milk and a dozen eggs. He covers his embarrassment by telling the milkman that Zelda forgot the buttermilk. The sequence sets up a sight gag later on.

Orville next cross examines his wife when she appears nicely dressed and ready to leave the house. Orville asks casually if she's going somewhere? Zelda answers. "Yes and I'm late I don't want to keep him waiting." Orville picks up on the "him." She tells him that she  has a dentist appointment.

She asks him to zip up her dress and after doing so Orville catches his student ogling Zelda. When he accompanies her to the door he asks where the flowers in the vase came from? Zelda tells him his student Mulligan brought them. Orville now suspects Mulligan of hanky-panky. He ends up chasing his student out of the house.

Across the street Orville's pal and songwriting partner Barney runs the towns filling station. Barney comes by after Orville chases Mulligan down the street. He's got new lyrics for a tune that Orville composed "I'm a Poached Egg."

Orville is down in the dumps because they've written 50 songs and have gotten nowhere. Barney cheers him up by telling Orville how other nobodies made it. With money Orville would be able to lavish Zelda in furs and fly her to Acapulco.

Dr. Sheldrake (Mel Blanc)

While they are singing the new lyrics, Orville stops and calls Dr. Sheldrake (Mel Blanc) the dentist to check on his wife. The Dentist is applying laughing gas and telling jokes to a patient. He tells Orville that she doesn't have an appointment until next Wednesday. Orville doesn't pick up on that at first, continuing to play but we anticipate the joke and the music cue delivers as it dawns on Orville that his wife lied to him.

Meanwhile Dino, because of a detour caused by a traffic pileup on the main highway, drives into Climax  and, low on gas, up to Barneys pumps.

Dino BTW is driving a 1957 Dual-Giah convertible. (The tail finned car was based on a Dodge concept car, and had a Dodge drive train with an Italian built body. Retailing at $7,500 it was $200 more than a Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz.)

When Barney goes out to service the car he see's that its Dino.

Barney: Hey do you know who you are?
Dino [shadow boxing and making like Cassius Clay/Mohamed Ali]: Sure the greatest and the prettiest.

Barney realizes that this is their big break. Their songwriting career problems are over. All they have to do is sell Dino a song.

A bunch of shenanigans ensue as they try to pitch Dino a song. When he's about to split once his tank is full Barney sabotages the Dual-Ghia by disconnecting the fuel line. In a sequence that's a nod to Kirk Douglas in Wilder's Ace In The Hole, Dino is brought back to the station riding in his car hauled by a tow truck.

Dino now stuck in Climax is invited by Orville to stay at his house (Barney tells Dino that a skunk got into the air-conditioner at the local motel). They now have more time to work on Dino. Dino accepts the offer and asks Orville where is the action in town. Dino tells Orville that he's gotta have action every night or the next day he wakes up with a headache.

When Orville puts Dino up in the sewing room Dino immediately notices the breasts on Zelda's well shaped dress dummy. Dino tells Orville that he's a "lucky dog," while staring intently at those voluptuous breasts. Orville gets jealous of Zelda's dummy and gets worried when he realizes that Dino may come onto Zelda. Orville grabs the dummy covers it with his sweatshirt and hides it in the closet.

Zelda comes home and gets cross-examined by Orville. She was picking up their anniversary cake. All is temporarily well. Zelda then casually tells Orville that she though she saw Dino driving through town. She also mentions that she was president of his fan club.

When Zelda tells Orville that she wants to finish the nightie she's sewing for their anniversary, Orville, trying to keep her out of the sewing room tells her that she doesn't need a nightie. Zelda giggles mentioning that it's the middle of the day and heads for their bedroom.

Dino meanwhile, decides to take a shower and grab a nap. While he's showering Zelda comes into the bathroom and thinking it's Orville pats his ass through the shower curtain. Soon after when Zelda is taking her shower Dino comes into the bathroom and pats Zelda on the ass it's a cute sight gag.

Dino's ass sticking to shower curtain

Dino post Zelda's pat on his ass

Tit for tat Zeld's ass sticking to the shower curtain after a friendly pat by Dino

Barney arrives back to Orville's with the makings for an Italian dinner for Dino. But now Orville wants Dino out and tells Barney that Dino is a sex maniac.

Barney salvaging the situation gets the idea to replace Zelda with a chippy from the local dive The Belly Button. Orville goes along with it, but he wonders how hes gonna get rid of Zelda. Barney tells him that easy, "hit her." Orville can't to that so more word play and clever shenanigans ensue to get Zelda out of the house while Dino all the while ratchets up his threatening lecherous lounge lizard persona.

Barney gets Polly The Pistol (Kin Novak) out of the Belly Button for $25 dollars for the night. He bribes Big Bertha, the owner of The Belly Button, with a set of seat covers she's been wanting.

It's worth twenty-five bucks....

Polly, from Jersey City, was a manicurist who ended up in Climax when she met a hula hoop salesman. They bought a second hand car and trailer and drove to Nevada to get hitched. They spent the night in Climax but the guy took off in the morning with the car and Polly's money. She has been stranded there ever since.

Polly is up for it, she needs the money, she tells Barney about an outdoor "private party" she once did on the Fourth Of July, a bachelor barbecue. They raffled her off eighty-three dollars, the next morning the check she got bounced and all she got out of the gig was poison ivy.

Meanwhile back at the Spooners, Orville finally pisses off Zelda and she goes home to mother. The plan is coming together.

  Mr. Pettibone (Howard McNear) Mrs. Pettibone (Doro Merande) and Zelda 

At her folks place Zelda gets monotonously lectured to by her mother. It's a funny sequence. Zelda can't stand it for long and heads back home to Orville.

Orville, Polly, and Dino have dinner and drink Chianti, then Orville plays the songs while Dino is getting handy with Polly. We get more hilarious sight gags and double ententes.

When Zelda gets home she hears Orville and a strange woman's voice laughing and she see's Barney spying through the Venetian blinds. When she takes a peak she see's Orville dancing around with Polly, missing Dino who is down out of sight on the floor beneath the window.

Zelda gets into her car and drives to The Belly Button to get drunk. When Zelda finally gets sick Big Bertha  puts her up out back of the place in Polly's empty trailer for the night.

Back at the Spooners, everyone is getting tipsy on the Chianti wine. Orville however finds himself now hopelessly jealous of his fake wife and he literally throws Dino out of his house. Orville and Polly have sex.

 Orville jealous of Dino and Polly

Dino ends up at The Belly Button looking for action. The bartender tells him to check out Polly, but he doesn't see her working, he figures it must be her night off, so he tells Dino to check out back,  she's probably in her trailer. Dino heads to the trailer and finds Zelda who he thinks is Polly. Zelda is at first reluctant but with her strong attraction to Dino and Orville fooling around with Polly, Zelda partly drunk, partly in attraction and partly in revenge has sex with Dino.

Noir-ish

There are quite a few highlights to watch for. Dino trying to seduced Polly, Doro Merande's hilarious monologue as Zelda's mother. Orville and Barney's songs. Plenty of sight gags. A huge phallic crane pointing to a Dino marquee at The Sands opens the film. Also in the beginning casino floor show  sequence. Dino is doing his shtick, watch Billy Beck as waiter at The Sands watching Dino's whole act dead pan, not getting any of Dino's jokes. He gets ribbed by the two waiters on either side but still clueless thinks he's got his towel on the wrong arm.

More jokes, a Highway Patrolman tells Dino there is a pileup up ahead and he's got to take a detour. Tells Dino you come out at Barstow by way of...

Highway Patrolman: Warm Springs, Paradise Valley, and Climax.
Dino: It's the only way to go.

The original cast intended for the film was quite different. Orville Spooner was originally offered to  Jack Lemmon. He was tied up in other projects.  It would have been interesting to see him playing opposite his wife Felicia Farr. Peter Sellers was signed instead and shooting began but Sellers had a heart attack and Ray Walston filled in, re-shooting all his scenes. Polly The Pistol was originally intended for Marilyn Monroe, but she overdosed in 62. Then Jane Mansfield was tapped but she got pregnant. Kim Novak was finally decided on and she is either definitely channeling Marilyn a bit or the material is so spot on Marilyn that it just comes out that way. I've also read that Frank Sinatra was considered for the Dino part, probably playing "Frankie." 

In On Sunset Boulevard: The Life and Times of Billy Wilder, by Ed Sikov.  Wilder is quoted as saying "I don't know why the film shocked people. It's the most bourgeois film there is. A man wants a career and the person who wants to help him wants to sleep with his wife. He replaces his wife with another, but when he is nearest to success, he refuses it and throws the guy out."  But, Billy, he still sleeps with the hooker and his wife gets boned by Dino. lol.

It wasn't the hip Tinseltown audience you were rubbing "stuff" with that was complaining, obviously, it was square john fly-over country, filled with devout Catholics and the revivalist bible thumpers, who must have considered it shocking and vulgar.

You even got to wonder where NY Times critic Bosley Crowther was coming from, he blamed Kiss Me, Stupid for giving American movies the reputation of "deliberate and degenerate corruptors of public taste and morals." At the same time we had lynchings and segregation down South, morals and common decency were already corrupt, tell us about it Bosely.

TV Guide reviewer Michael Scheinfeld got it right, he gave the film 3½ stars. "A kind of cinematic litmus test that separates the casual Billy Wilder fan from the true connoisseur" and "a monument of satirical tastelessness that . . . in retrospect, is now seen as one of Wilder's most fascinatingly original films." He added, "Amid the [original] furor, it's easy to miss the film's comedic accomplishments, which are considerable. Its idiomatic wordplay and social satire is vintage Wilder, and the opening sequence where Dino performs in a nightclub is one of the funniest things that Wilder has ever done. Sprinkling in bad jokes and Rat Pack references, Dean Martin's comic timing and delivery is impeccable . . . The rest of the cast is equally superb, right down to the smallest bit part . . . although Ray Walston's relentless mugging becomes a bit much."

 J. Hoberman of The Village Voice discussed Kiss Me Stupid when in 2002 the Film Forum in Manhattan ran a restored print. "Kiss Me, Stupid's mutually redemptive adultery is closer to the grown-up world of John Cassavetes's Faces than to Wilder's adolescent Seven Year Itch — but it's ultimately a more knowingly tolerant, not to mention funnier, movie than either."

Kiss Me, Stupid is like an antidote to anyone overdosed on Rock Hudson - Doris Day films.

Comedy Noirs were out there. Ensemble/comedy and quasi-comedy Classic Noirs like Grand Central Murder (1942)  Deadline at Dawn (1946), Manhandled (1949), His Kind of Woman (1951), Shack Out On 101 (1955), and even Lady In The Lake (1946), has some of this quality. There are probably a few others lurking in the classics. Neo Noir contenders are Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Seven Beauties (1975), The Late Show (1977) After Hours (1985), Down By Law (1986), Delicatessen (1991) and The Big Lebowski (1998).

Kiss Me, Stupid, Is it Noir? In a cultural rather than crime way it clicks Noir for me, it may not for you, or it just may teeter right on the brink, the cusp or Noir so to speak, for others. Watch it next go round with your noir-dar on. Then you decide for yourself.

Felicia Farr stands out as a surprising cutie holding her own, which is an accomplishment, considering Novak's passionate and complex performance in the lead. Novak pulls off a melancholy husky voiced Jersey City version of Marilyn Monroe. Ray Walston has his best film part. Cliff Osmond is hilarious as the desperate lyricist who instigates the whole wife swapping scenario, and Dean Martin is just fantastic as Dino. If you loved The Dean Martin Show Martin does an exaggerated variation of his on tube personality. It's probably my all time favorite performance of his. Screen caps are from a Amazon Prime streamer. 8/10