Les valseuses aka Going Places (1974) Black Comedy JD Noir on Steroids

Les valseuses (the waltzers) is French slang for the balls, testicles, huevos. How they translated that title to Going Places is a head scratcher.  

They should have, if they wanted to be more descriptive. named the English title -  "Two Swinging Dicks and a Chick." it would have been much more in line with what the original novel title was going for and it would almost be the whole plot.  

Directed by Bertrand Blier. written by Bertrand Blier and Philippe Dumarçay and bases on Bertrand Blier's novel.

The cinematography was by Bruno Nuytten, and music by the great Stéphane Grappelli. Grappelli was a French jazz violinist. He is best known as a founder of the Quintette du Hot Club de France with guitarist Django Reinhardt in 1934. It was one of the first all-string jazz bands. He has been called "the grandfather of jazz violinists." 

The film stars Gérard Depardieu (The Moon In The Gutter) as Jean-Claude, Miou-Miou (La Dérobade) as Marie-Ange, Patrick Dewaere (Série noire ) as Pierrot. 

Gérard Depardieu as Jean- Claude and Patrick Dewaere as Pierrot

Miou-Miou as Marie-Ange

With Brigitte Fossey as the woman on the train, Dominique Davray as Ursula / Suzanne, Isabelle Huppert as Jacqueline, Jacques Rispal as watchman, Jeanne Moreau as Jeanne Pirolle, Sylvie Joly as lady who gets her car stolen, Gérard Jugnot as man who gets his car stolen, Thierry Lhermitte as doorman. 

Story

Valence, Drôme, France. About 220 miles North of Marseille.

Jean-Claude and Pierrot are the two swinging dicks. Out of control. They're doing whatever the fuck they want to do. It's spontaneous chaos, each feeding off the outrageousness of the other.  

This has been said about dogs. One dog's got a brain, with two dogs you got half a brain between them, In this case they're pussy hounds with half a brain.

Back in the 1970's along the Idaho panhandle / Montana border, their lived, way back in the boonies, the Waters Brothers. These guys were big bearded, and dopey looking. Wearing wool stocking caps, plaid wool shits, and dirty jeans, Whites boots, year round. The whole lumberjack bit. Cedar beaters and living off road kill.

The Waters would "benignly" terrorize the patrons of a bar called The Lil Opry Hall on Friday and Saturday nights when it was packed with young adult good-timers from both Troy and Bonners Ferry. They'd do this by just roaming about the Hall grazing the tables that emptied their occupants, to dance or play pool. or went to the bar for another pitcher of Oly or for long neck Rainier's. A Waters would swoop in grab a half finished slice of pizza off a paper plate and stuff it completely into his mouth. In two seconds it vanished. 

I even knew a woman who had the unfortunate experience of "visiting" their homestead once. The detail that still sticks in my mind about her tale was the fact that the Waters boys never washed their dishes. They just scraped them off and put them in the freezer of their refrigerator till next use.

Back to Les valseuses. We pick up with Jean-Claude and Pierrot as they are following a cubby redhead named Ursula in a green dress carrying a white box of what looks like cannoli. 

Ursula is flustered moving as quickly as her green sheath dress will allow. Pierrot is pushing Jean-Claude in a stolen grocery cart, rolling down the sidewalk. Jean-Claude has his hand out trying to goose her.

Its a funny sequence. They finally corner her at the entrance of her apartment house when she rings and no one hits the buzzer to unlock the door. Pierrot steals one of the cannoli, Jean-Claude her purse all the while making obscene suggestions. 

We cut to Jean-Claude and Pierrot running down a street and then through the brown fields that surround the housing project with a mob of the woman's friends after them. They toss her purse back and forth as they scramble to a lively jazz violin piece from Stéphane Grappelli.

Another cut and  we watch as Jean-Claude and Pierrot go through the redheads purse, tossing each worthless item away.

They come to a parking lot across from a hairdressing salon. They see a brand new aqua green 1974 Citroën DS 23. Jean-Claude feels the hood, its still warm. 

Pierrot makes a remark like "not again" and we cut to them in the DS which speeding away down a country road. 

Night time. They return the DS back to the gravel lot. When they get out they are confronted by Merlan, the owner of the hairdresser shop "The Hair Box" across the street. 

He's pointing a revolver at them, and telling them that it's the third time his DS has been stolen. He tells them to put their hands up. At this time Marie-Ange, a blonde in a pink coat comes out of the shop. 

Merlan, nods to the boys, when  he sees that Jean-Claude and Pierrot are distracted by Marie-Ange. When she comes closer Merlan, flips her coat up revealing that she is wearing a mini skirt. Merlam tells her to call the cops. 

Merlan, nods to the boys, when he sees that Jean-Claude and Pierrot are distracted by Marie-Ange. When she comes closer, Merlan, flips her coat up revealing that she is wearing a mini skirt. Merlam tells her to call the cops. 

Pierrot in a funny exchange asks Merlot not to call the cops since they only borrowed that car and brought it back in one piece. He goes on to say its just like you picked us up like hitch hikers, only you weren't there....

"its just like you picked us up like hitch hikers, only you weren't there...."

The confrontation begins to attract rubberneckers poking out of the various surrounding apartment windows. One guy yells out to Merlan if he wants him to call the cops. A couple of citizens show up on the street one with a club. 

When one of them, makes a grab for Jean-Claude, Pierrot makes a break and starts running down the street. Merlan gets a shot off before Jean-Claude kicks the gun out of Merlan's hand. 

The bullet fired hits Pierrot in the thigh. He continues to run down the street. Jean-Claude meanwhile throws off the guy who grabbed him into Merlan sprawling both to the sidewalk. Jean-Claude picks up the revolver and gabs Marie-Ange pulling her across the street and into the DS. 

Jean-Claude disables Merlan and grabs Marie-Ange

Jean-Claude floors it and pulls away. He finds Pierrot down the road and he hops into the DS also. They make a getaway all to another lively jazz violin piece by Grappelli. 

In the car during the getaway, Pierrot yells out that he's bleeding. Marie-Ange, looks over the seat and tells Jean-Claude that he needs a doctor. 

We cut to the DS pulling into a wrecking yard. A dog is barking. Jean-Claude beeps the horn and Carnot the mechanic, who looks like Fat Fredy (from the head comix) afro and all, appears in a window. A door opens and a great Dane comes out and barks at the DS.

Jean-Claude gets out and tells Carnot that he needs another car, and wants to hide the DS. When Carnot asks for money Jean-Claude tells him he has something better. He goes around to the passenger side and pulls out Marie-Ange. 

He drags her over to Carnot pulls away her coat and lifts up her skirt. Marie-Ange asks Jean-Claude "you are not leaving me with this guy?" Carnot asks "what's the matter I don't turn your crank."

"what's the matter I don't turn your crank."

We cut to Jean-Claude and Pierrot in a '52 Dodge Coronet. Jean-Claude is driving Pierrot around Valence, looking for a doctor, Its another humorous sequence since they have no idea what the doctors specialties mean. 

Eventually they wake up a doctor and get him to teat Pierrot under threats and gunpoint. 

They must have found a gynecologist, because we next see Pierrot with his feet up in stirrups and bandages around his crotch. 

The doc tells Jean-Claude that his friend is lucky. The bullet passed through the fleshy part of his thigh and he's just got a nick on his testicle. Jean-Claude replies that they've always been lucky. He then robs the doc of everything he has in his wallet.

We cut to the wrecking yard, When Jean-Claude and Pierrot return Carnot complains that Marie-Ange is dead in bed. 

He complains that she doesn't bite or scratch she just spreads her legs. "She counts flies on the ceiling until your finished." 

Marie-Ange: What are you whining about you got off didn't you?

Carnot: It was like screwing a piece of meat.

Jean-Claude goes over to the cot and flips off the blanket telling Marie-Ange that she's got to get up Pierrot needs rest. 

Naked, Marie-Ange gets up slips on her shoes and  walks over to where the rest of her clothes are piled. Her carpet doesn't match her drapes.

All the guys watch her get dressed. Pierrot is especially surprised that she doesn't wear panties. He remarks that she must be a real slut. he asks Marie-Ange what she doesn't wear panties.

Pierrot is worried that he may not be able to screw anymore. He gets angry and wants to show her what Merlan did, trying to pull down his pants. He asks her again why she doesn't wear panties. She reveals that her boss gets turned on by her not wearing them at work. 

She wants to go, she tells them. She has to be at work by 9AM. Jean-Claude asks to see her papers with her name and address. 

"let me see your papers"

We cut to Pierrot leading Carnot and Jean-Claude over to the DS. He tells them he's got an idea. He wants to return the DS to Merlan, But before they do so he wants to partially saw off the front wheel of the car so that it's just hanging by a thread. 

Its his revenge. He thinks he'll never screw again. He figures that Merlan will pick it up and be driving down a road and eventually when he makes a turn the wheel is going to pop off.

We see Carnot pick up the front end of the DS and watch as he hacksaws the left front wheel while Pierrot sits on the ground on a car seat watching. 

We cut to the Dodge driving down the street. Jean-Claude and Marie-Ange in the front seat and Pierrot in back. She is about to get out to go to work when Jean-Claude asks her for one favor. 

He tells her it good luck if she lets them touch her ass. She laughs and lets them. When they both smell their fingers, she gets pissed off opens the door and takes off.  

We get more mis-adventures, Jean-Claude and a security guy from a Champion store get into words.  Then they steal a Champion grocery cart. 

Later when they are sitting at an outdoor cafe two motorcycle cops show up. So they immediately take off on foot leaving the Dodge. 

We next see them walking down a country road. Then we cut to them riding two stolen bicycles with their owners chasing after them. We get another Grappelli jazz violin piece.

Next they are cutting through the roof of a Citroën 2CV that's parked in a field where a harvester is working. It's another humorous sequence to another Grappelli jazz violin tune. 

They can't get the 2CV started and the harvester with the car's owner is looming closer and closer. Its maybe a humorous wink to Classic Hollywood Noir Border Incident. 

The make it to a railroad crossing by a rural station. The gate has just come down and a train has pulled into the station. In the rearview we again see the two motorcycle cops. Jean-Claude and Pierrot ditch the 2VC and run to catch the train as it pulls slowly out of the station. 

In the rear seat of the rear car a young blonde woman is nursing her child. Jean-Claude and Pierrot are fascinated. 

Brigitte Fossey

When the woman sees them watching, she removes her child and buttons up her blouse. She tells them that she is going to meet her husband who is on leave from his military service. She gets up and starts to leave down the aisle, but Jean-Claude stops her offering her some of his stolen franks. He also mentions that the baby is still hungry. She accepts the cash and continues nursing and Jean Claude and Pierrot are fascinated. 

Jean Claude offers her more money, telling her that with what he is offering her, she and her husband can get a nice hotel room and have champagne sent up to the room and do it up big. All he asks in return is to let Pierrot, suckle her breast. She lets him and gets quite aroused, that she almost misses the stop where she is to meet her husband.  

Pierrot however is both worried and pissed because he did not get hard and he's worried that he may never again. As the train speeds down the track Pierrot again thinks of Merlan and hopes the tampered DS will do him in.

They spot cops on a stakeout at the last stop on the train so they hop another passenger train that's headed to an off season Edward Hopper-esque beach town. There they spend their time breaking windows and into houses. 

They finally steal a motor scooter and head to civilization and Marie-Ange's address for a reunion. 

There Pierrot finally gets aroused and makes love to Marie-Ange. At this point we are at the one-third point in the film.

Our tale slowly but inevitably twists tragically and quite humorously at times towards Noirsville, as Jean-Claude, Pierrot, and now Marie-Ange form both a criminal and sexual ménage à trois.

Noirsville

Claude Vergnes as Merlan, le coiffeur (hairdresser)

Jeanne Moreau as Jeanne Pirolle

Jacques Rispal as Champion security guard

Isabelle Huppert as Jacqueline

Bertrand Blier directed a shockingly amusing picaresque film that will obviously not be to everyone's tastes. Its a politically incorrect light Noir that is part sex comedy, part road film, nihilistic, misogynistic, and an anarchical joy ride though early 1970s France.

It seamlessly switches gears propelling our excellent cast along, with beautiful cinematography and music. It reminded me of all the Hollywood Juvenile Delinquent films that came out of the mid to late 1950s. 7-8/10.